A growing body of research points to emotional intelligence being an important skill for increasing success and building resilience. New studies shed additional, surprising light on empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence.
Developing healthy and productive relationships—both personal and professional—requires us to be in tune with other’s feelings. Popular belief holds that empathy, the ability to perceive and interpret other’s feelings, relies more on intuition (the gut) than brain power. However, research published by the American Psychological Association suggests that we shouldn’t trust our intuition alone if we want to empathize accurately with others.
Researchers Jennifer Lerner, Ph.D., and Christine Ma-Kellams, Ph.D., understood that, when it comes to empathy, people process input in different ways. Intuitive thinkers are more instinctual, going with what feels like the right choice, while systematic thinkers carefully plan and deliberate to make informed choices. They conducted four studies with more than 900 participants to determine which of these two modes of thought produced a higher degree of empathic accuracy.
The studies found that while most participants believed that intuitive thinking alone would produce the highest empathic accuracy, the opposite was true. Participants who applied a more systematic approach to verify initial intuitive perceptions consistently achieved a higher degree of accuracy.
These findings are encouraging because they indicate that careful reasoning can work well in combination with our gut feelings to help us be more empathetic.
Here are some thoughts to help you practice and strengthen your systematic empathy skills:
Learn to focus quietly. Mindfulness meditation is a great way to learn to focus attention and observe with a quiet mind. With practice, you can engage this state of focus when interacting with others to better observe verbal and visual cues as to what they are feeling.
Practice at the movies. Watching movies (or TV shows) that tell stories with a wide range of emotion can be a fun and effective way to practice empathy. By letting ourselves be absorbed in someone else’s story, we can strengthen the connection between our intuitive and systematic brains. As the drama (or romance, or comedy) unfolds before you think about the why of the characters’ reactions as you enjoy the story.
Pay attention to your own emotions. This can help in two ways. First, being aware of our own emotions and where they come from helps us to remember that everyone else goes through the same process, and having that sort of common ground awareness is essential to empathy. Second, it’s good practice. Try stopping two or three times a day and asking yourself, “How am I feeling?” Then try identifying how that emotion came about. For instance, you might think, “I’m feeling annoyed because traffic was horrible today,” or, “I’m feeling angry because my computer keeps crashing and I have a deadline.” The more you practice, the quicker you’ll be able to get to the root of your own emotions. You can then apply this skill to empathize with others. If a colleague is terse with you, where might that be coming from? Maybe they were stuck in traffic too.
Test your accuracy. When it’s appropriate during an interaction with someone else, tell them what emotions you are experiencing in empathy with them. Ask them if what you sense they are feeling, saying or experiencing is true. Be patient as they respond, as they may be taken aback by your interest or may need a moment to recognize their emotions. If their answer matches your estimation, you might then ask, “Why do you think you might be feeling that way?” If their answer is different than your estimation, you might repeat the feeling they’ve just shared with you (“OK, I’m hearing that you are feeling…”) before following up with “Why do you think you might be feeling that way?” This approach can help you test and refine your empathic accuracy while also finding common ground and a stronger connection.
